My (mis)Adventures with Anters and Sporpions

I'm going to begin this post by saying that in no way shape or form am I over my bug-o-phobia... However, living alone has hardened me to certain creepy crawlies that love to keep me company here in Chesapeake. I have actually murdered approximately 7 variations of said creepy crawlies since I moved here two months ago. I feel I should share my inspirational stories with you in hopes of giving other bug-o-phobes hope.

First off... Anters. Anters are Ants that have grown 8 legs and try to pretend to be spiders, but they are not. Well, either that, or they are Spiders that have morphed their appearance so people who aren't afraid of ants will not smoosh them. Anters start very small and within 3-4 days have grown to the size of a LARGE daddy-long-legger. I know this because I saw an Anter for the first time about 2 weeks ago and it was about the size of an everlasting gobstopper, and three to four days later it was huge. I know THIS because I did not kill it because I was still afraid of Anters back then, so I just avoided that corner of the house. I thought until today that Anters were harmless. However, I have found them to be vicious vengeant beasts:

Anter (mis)Adventure #1:
Yesterday I saw a large Anter in my bathroom. Though I am confident in my ability to murder anters (they aren't very fast moving, so I thought) I was not comfortable with only a few sheets of one-ply TP between that rascall and my hands. So, I ran to the kitchen to get a (ok not "a," more like 18) paper towels. I ran back upstairs and the Anter had disappeared. Blasphemy. I searched and searched for the Anter all night, and woke up 3-4 times afraid it was going to be hovering above me or something. Nothing. UNTIL I woke up in the morning, and had TWO spider bites on my arm!!! That bastard had stalked me all night and got me when I was most vulnerable. It strolled up my arm like a freaking runway on Americans Next Top Model. Needless to say, the next time I see an Anter - it's gonna pay.

Next creepy crawly that loves the 'Peake is the Sporpion. A Sporpion is a little black spider with 2 claws like a scorpion. It may even be a member of the lobster family, though I am not sure. Sporpions have very long shelf lives... in fact, there is a sporpion across the room from me right now that has been in my guest bedroom for 5 days. I do NOT kill sporpions... they are crunchy and hard to kill. Daniel took a broom to one in the kitchen once and it took 2 or 3 whacks with a shoe before it gave in. I did, however, find myself in a one-on-one battle with a sporpion not too long ago.

Sporpion (mis)Adventure #2:
The day: Tuesday, September 22, 2009. The time: 3:30 pm. I was just getting home from work when I went to check the mail. I grabbed the huge stack of mail in the mailbox and headed inside, where I plopped it on the kitchen counter. As soon as I set down the NEX ads, I saw it: A SPORPION!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I screamed!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! The sporpion could smell my fear and it began encroaching... I panicked... it was coming for me... it was now or never... I grabbed a paper towel and smacked the sporpion as hard as I could onto the floor. I could not step on it - I had on my favorite pair of BCBG heels that day - I had to think quickly. With only 2 thin paper towels in my hand I began to smash smash smash it onto the floor... screaming DIE SPORPION!!! I could feel it fighting back... the sporpion was practically bench pressing the weight of my body. But I wouldn't give in. I grabbed the sporpion, still fighting for life, in between two fingers and CRUNCH! It was dead. I probably burned off my entire lean cuisine lunch in that 30 seconds.

Anters and Sporpions are disgusting, nasty, creepy, crunchy, grotesque insect hybrids. But with determination, even the biggest bug-o-phobe can overcome.

The Video Music Awards

I just attempted to watch the VMAs (let's call it "Professional Development") & made it through the MJ tribute and about 2.5 minutes of Russell Brand before I started vomiting in my mouth a little bit... no wonder our kids these days are over-sexed, over-drugged, and politically unaware... all of a sudden I feel an impending sense of doom for the future of our country... thanks MTV and the fabulous left-wing media...

Number one...
Why is a drugged out British nobody making comments about American politics? And what is this "free healthcare" you speak of... because last I checked, those of us that have jobs, will be paying for it... IN TAXES. Shall we examine the European countries that have all had FAILED attempts at Universal Healthcare???

Number two...
Why did the same drugged out British nobody refer to Katie Perry's anatomy as a "glorious entrance?" I am all about the occasional "dirty joke" but really, every kid in America from 8-18 is watching this stupid show... and we're gonna make comments like that??? ...on a similar note, if this is live, how did they block out all 18 other words Russel Brand used in place of the female anatomy? Obviously its scripted, therefore MTV is promoting this bullcrap. I am sick to my stomach.

Number three...
Kanye West. I don't have to say anymore, because his name says enough. Ignorance and hypocrisy.

As a teacher of high school students, I am so saddened when I see girls who "think they are more important from the waist down than the neck up," but now I see why. I also now understand why one of my students (after taking a survey to determine where her opinions placed her on the political spectrum) asked me in all sincerity, "But I got Republican... isn't that bad?"

We (and by we I mean THE MEDIA) are raising a generation of conformists and labeling it "liberation." Children aren't encouraged to think for themselves anymore... they are encouraged to listen to what Kanye West and Russel Brand say on award shows and model that behavior. They are discouraged from following their own thoughts and opinions. They are being taught that sex is no big deal, drugs are no big deal, and if we are lazy... someone will bail us out.

I'm not sure how well I will sleep tonight...

**UPDATE: I have former students on my facebook limited profile, which allows me to see their wall posts. I have had over 10 actually commend Kanye West for his LOW CLASS remarks... get my point yet? America... we're in trouble**

Just a little update...

OK I know it has been FOREVER since I updated... it has been very hectic with school starting back and all. So here's a little update for ya ;)

As I said, school's back in session. It has been so long since I was "the new teacher" at a school I forgot how strange it is! The faculty at NHS is even bigger than my old school, so I have lots and lots of names to remember. My students are great so far... so smart and hard working, too! I am also LOVING having a 90 minute planning period as opposed to the 49 minutes at SVHS. I get so much more accomplished. In fact, I have gotten to leave work by 2:45 every day! I agreed to sponsor the junior class and found out (Friday afternoon mind you) that I have to address them (Monday morning at the junior assembly mind you) and talk about elections, college trips, the ring ceremony, fundraising, and prom (none of which do I know anything about MIND YOU!) So that should be my first "adventure" at NHS... wish me luck.

In other news... we are now in the "2 months and some days" range til Tony comes home... I got to talk to him for a good while today. He is definitely ready to get back on the boat and out of the heat! It has been in the 120s where he is for the last month... o.m.g. He seems to be doing well but ready to come home! I am hoping the Bataan site will have some updated pictures, preferably OF HIM because it's been just too long since I've seen that beautiful smile of his! (am I making you throw up in your mouth? ok I'll stop...)

Oh yeah... and my Steelers are 1-0! WOOOT WOOOOOOT!

All in all... it's been a pretty successful September so far... super busy - but SUCCESSFUL!!!